Real1 (Enzo Amore) – “Phoenix”

Oooooooh, Enzo Amore.  I legit loved Enzo and Big Cass, I really did.  They were an oasis of silly catch phrases, off-the-wall humor and most of all fun in a WWE era that’s often not terribly fun to watch.  Sure, neither of them were technical marvels in the ring, but they had personality, dammit, and personality goes a long way in the world of professional wrestling.  Amore was easily the best promo guy in the entire company and together Enzo and Cass were giving the New Day some stiff competition for the title of WWE’s most entertaining active tag team.

Based on sheer charisma alone, Enzo and Cass had “future tag team champs” written all over them.  Yet for some reason, that tag team championship run never came.  Rumors swirled online about Amore being intensely disliked by just about everyone backstage and those rumors appeared to be confirmed when WWE did the unthinkable, first splitting up the duo and then relegating Smacktalker Skywalker to the forever burning dumpster fire that is 205 Live, while Cass was sidelined with a legitimate knee injury.

In spite of enjoying a cruiserweight championship run, it appeared that the writing was on the wall for the realest guy in the room, and the other shoe (wrestling boot?) finally dropped in late January of this year when Amore was fired from the company amidst allegations of sexual assault.  It appeared likely that we’d heard the last of Amore.

But as it turns out, you can’t keep a good loudmouth down.  Amore was recently cleared of the charges against him and is back on the scene not as a wrestler, but as a rapper.  Under the name Real1, he has released a video for the song “Phoenix” through World Star Hip Hop’s YouTube channel.

I’ve watched this thing several times and I still can’t decide if the track is so bad it’s good or so bad it’s bad.  I mostly find myself wondering why the hell it sounds like southern hip hop if he’s supposed to be from Jersey and chuckling Beavis & Butthead style when Amore raps about grabbing his “consensual penis.”

Indeed, “Phoenix” is chock full of lyrical gems such as “Piss excellence? bitch I just shit it / I smell the hate on the crazy 8s / Um, Let’s see y’all pivot” and “Got ’em on their toes like a midget at a urinal / Couple red roses on my gimmick / Couple tears at the funeral.”  Amore mostly boasts about his greatness and lashes out at his accuser, but he also finds time throw some shade on his haters in the “WWE Universe” (insert eye roll); the opening of the video depicts a slovenly wrestling fan stuffing his face in front of the TV and later at a computer (the part where Amore flicks the cheato out of his hand is priceless), whom he refers to as a “sloppy jalopy son of a bitch.”  Clearly this man is destined to be remembered as one of the greatest rhyme-smiths of our time.

Good or bad, I must admit that I was entertained by “Phoenix” and I’m morbidly curious to hear more, which is more than I can say about John Cena, who raps like old people fuck.  But the question remains, is Amore serious about a rap career or is he just trying to get his name back out there after weathering some seriously bad publicity?  Given the crude lyrical content, the Real1 won’t be winning any points with the squeaky clean for ten years and counting WWE.  Maybe he’ll sign with TNA since let’s face it, they’ll pretty much sign anyone… “What’s Lorenzo Cacciatore doing in the Impact Zone?!

Of course, all that said, the title of greatest rapping wrestler of all time is already taken, always and forever…

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